My story at MEPhI began with a curiosity that quickly turned into a serious test. During the first weeks of school, we got to know each other and filled out questionnaires. In the "favorite book" section, I honestly wrote "Suicide" by Sasha Shikov. That one clue in the title was enough for rumors to spread throughout the institute. People began to discuss and condemn me, and rumors about my sexual orientation surfaced from somewhere.

It was awful and unpleasant. Even the teachers added fuel to the fire: when the topic of LGBT people came up in a negative light during a Russian language and literature class, it took a huge effort for me to restrain myself.

In such an atmosphere, I became withdrawn. When mandatory psychological tests were conducted at the university, I lied on every question. As an "anxious" person, I was afraid that even a professional psychologist would not accept me. But my inner state was deteriorating, my anxiety was spiraling out of control, and I realized that I couldn't go on like this.

I decided to go for a consultation with our university psychologist. And that was a turning point.

We talked about everything that was bothering us. I opened up and honestly said that I was gay. To my relief, I was met with complete acceptance rather than condemnation. We discussed orientation, gender, self-perception, and how to cope with peer pressure.

Now I continue to work on myself: I keep a diary of depressive states, which helps me track triggers. My psychologist and I work through the most difficult scenarios: how to talk to my parents, what to do and where to go if they don't understand me at home, and how to cope with the "fight or flight" response when things get tough in the group again.

I am writing this to say: don't be afraid to seek help. Even if it seems like the whole world is against you, there are people who are ready to support you. My college psychologist is just great, and thanks to her, I no longer feel alone with my anxiety.

I also recommend watching the documentary film "Not Alone."